Blowing stuff up is easy. Finding humor in the prospect of a nation blown to bits takes expertise.
There are rumors to the effect that Israel is poised to blow up Iran. We don’t know if any of the rumors are true, but wouldn’t it be great if just once when something happens like that we were prepared? So let’s try real hard right now to see the silver lining.
Looking back on past fun wars, I think I can speak for a lot of guys and say that it truly is nice when stuff is blown up. According to an allegedly leaked Israeli government memo, made public by blogger Richard Silverstein, Israel may likely wage a high-tech blitzkrieg on Iran that will include some spectacular blowing up of stuff. So, there’s that.
Here at Adventures in Irony, we love us all kinds of irony. We aren’t choosy. We love verbal irony, dramatic irony, and situational irony. Litotes aren’t bad either. Therefore we are pleased to note the irony of Israel conducting a blitzkrieg.
The memo details how the attack would proceed, without speculating on the counterattack, which presumably would be futile. So there should be numerous opportunities to make amusing references to the Borg. We can have fun Photoshopping old Star Trek scenes captioned to comment on the progress of the war, for the hours it lasts.
A key element of the described assault is what is described as an unprecedented cyber-attack which “will totally paralyze the Iranian regime and its ability to know what is happening within its borders.” We can look forward to endless geek war stories.
Missiles will rain down on Iran, scattering carbon fiber munitions designed to disrupt transformers and knock out Iran’s electrical grid. Time-delayed and satellite-triggered explosions of such devices would keep the electric grid down. Think of the great favor Israel will do the world in testing such technology for us all. These are technology that I’m sure will have wonderful peace-time uses and help bring about utopia for all non-Iranians everywhere.
We know that an attack on Iran is essential to keep it from getting nuclear weapons. Because we know from history that every time an enemy nation, like the Soviet Union under Stalin in 1949, and Mao’s People’s Republic of China in 1964, gets the bomb, there’s a nuclear war. This is why we have had so many nuclear wars since 1949.
Well, not really, but whatever we’re doing to not have nuclear wars, like not attacking people, let’s change that because, like they say, “If it’s not broke, you’re not banging on it hard enough.” Those really are words to live by. Provided you aren’t anywhere near the missiles.
It probably would help you see the bright side of all this if at this juncture you aren’t living in Iran. For those of you who are reading this while living in Iran, congratulations on the progress you are presumably making in learning English and thank you for reading. I’m assuming you’re reading this on the Internet. Please recommend Real Change to all your friends, between now and when you don’t have an Internet.
Now there’s an upside: No more Internet in Iran! Iranians can show the world the way back to face-to-face communication. Wouldn’t we all like to know how that’s done again? Iranians could become experts in face-to-face technology and profit from exporting the country’s secrets, enabling them to rebuild their country while benefitting the world, much as Japan, after WWII, lifted itself up out of devastation by giving the world Godzilla movies.
It may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I, for one, am already enjoying the ways the mere prospect of a new pointless war lets me vent sarcasm, even before it starts.
You could all just enjoy the sarcasm with me and dispense with the actual war inspiring it. I won’t personally be disappointed if the object of my loathing never occurs. I’m fine with ridiculing nonexistent events. I hope I’m not the only one who feels that way.