Dr. Wes
The world gets a new pope, a new premier and a new coat of rose-colored paint
We are all trying to adjust to the brave new world we find ourselves in, now that we have a new pope and a new Chinese premier. Everything is so new and fresh, and life itself smells like lilacs.
How new is the new pope? I’ll tell you. He is so new that when King 5 reported that for more than half his life Pope Francis has had the use of only one lung, they also were able to report that “an Olympia woman is encouraged by that news.”
In other words, it takes almost nothing for people to be encouraged by the new pope. People are so ready for change they’d be thrilled if the new pope was a coat hanger.
If it was reported the new pope owned a Plymouth in 1975, we would’ve learned that “a Sedro-Wooley man is encouraged by that news.”
If the media revealed the new pope has never been to Disneyland, a kid in Port Townsend would’ve reacted, “Excellent!”
And, in response to word the new pope paid his way through college by pole dancing, everyone who knows what that is would’ve deemed it “cool.”
The new pope, who was not residing in Italy when he was picked, is so new that Americans have not yet had time to figure out where his homeland is on the map. So far they know it starts with an A and ends with an A. And they know it’s a country that, unlike Germany, could never have been at war with Britain, being too far away and too irrelevant. Americans know it’s south of here, somewhere in Latin America. So Latin is making a comeback in the church.
The new Chinese premier is even newer than the new pope. It’s going to be weeks before I even learn to recognize his name when I hear it in news programs. I wish Chinese premiers had the same deal that popes have and could take one easy name when they get into office. Li Keqiang could pick something that would send a message, like Premier Bruce I.
Quick, name eight Chinese premiers in history, including this new one!
Stuck trying to remember them all? Haha! Trick question! There’s only been seven. It’s easier now, isn’t it?
I guess what I’m trying to express here is my overflowing excitement at all the changes I can expect in the world, what with all this fabulous newness abounding.
I mean, it can’t just be that Pope Francis has a good public relations advisor behind him helping him work the newness angle for maximum effect. The idea that a Jesuit would take his name to be Francis just came naturally and has no political purpose. Everything we are being told about him tells us that Pope Francis has never been the kind of guy who’d be a calculating politician. He’s as innocent as a 76-year-old newborn baby. In fact, I bet he would have gone with Pope Innocent XIV, except that number XIII was rude to Jesuits (a true fact I did not make up).
As an example of the change we all can expect will overwhelm us, already we are hearing that the new pope has decided to do without a reserved seat at the Vatican cafeteria. This is truly a new beginning in the world. We now have a pope who walks in, gets in line with everyone else and gets the same burgers and fries as everyone else, or whatever bishops eat — bishop cuisine — and then sits anywhere that isn’t already taken.
Where will all this humility lead? Are we ready for it? Are the rest of us expected to follow such an example? What kind of world would that be if everyone acted like that? Would we all have to ride buses? What next? Will presidents and premiers start sleeping in alleys?
I could try to conclude, but who needs conclusions when life is this good? We have a smart new Chinese premier and a brand-spanking new humble pope, from a new world, where the winning never ends.
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