On Jan. 21, many of us in Seattle, D.C. and beyond came together to affirm the power of women and resist the new world order issued the day before. I, a Black woman, had read much online about the drama of planning for the march in D.C. A debate had raged because some of the older, whiter organizers were disturbed by the fact that organizers of color — primarily Black ones — were speaking about their and others’ race-related experiences. They advocated for language and imagery that represented women of various hues, cultures and religious backgrounds. And probably most disconcerting, they spoke out about White privilege and fragility, including how it was playing out right there in the room.
White organizers responded with fragility and privilege. They felt attacked by the POC’s (People Of Color) perceived divisive statements. What was shared as experiences was interpreted as aggressiveness, and the White women felt “shut down.” Apparently, there was a sense that these Black organizers had infiltrated their domain with divisive issues and demeanor and Black organizers were accused of playing identity politics. Ironically, White organizers viewed these upstarts as destroying the inclusiveness of traditional American liberal feminism.
I thought of all this as I walked to Judkins Park for the Womxns’ on Seattle. In contrast to the cultural mosaic of the MLK Day march a few days earlier, there were few Black or darker-skinned faces. Both gatherings expressed similar demands, hopes and intentions for ongoing action, seeking to put President Donald Trump on notice, but the demographics couldn’t have been more different.
I was having a personal taste of what might have kept many women of color at home that day. I wondered whether these people would be as willing to go in the trenches to support their POC sisters, especially the Black ones, in issues not pertaining to them. Or would there be suspicion or indifference, as happens all too often in liberal Seattle.
Despite some stalwart White sister-siblings, POC have learned not to count on the support or even consideration of our experiences. White people resort to passive aggressiveness, assuming that we are volatile, angry and not as skilled or smart. They resent us. Black people and other women of color are skeptical and wary of White motives, “whitesplaining” and tendencies to take over and control. We are done playing mammy, charged with making White people comfortable, and will let you know that. We resent you.
We might have had the luxury to fall prey to our righteous positions in the past, but it’s a new day and that mentality just won’t do, girls. All those D.C. organizers had the goal of unity, but what is unity? I used to believe it resembled what White organizers wanted. We’d come together and have a single storyline that everyone would endorse, feel the same about and work toward. As a result, we’d feel good and virtuous, our identity and self-esteem fed. That kind of unity is fallacious, dependent on many voices falling out of the chorus, being sung over or leaving the choir in disgust or despair.
Unity is a process, not a thing that springs up from nowhere just because our intentions are good. All of us are golden at the root, even though centuries of history tarnished us with illusions of superiority and inferiority. For us to unify, we must be willing to polish each other and ourselves. This will involve hearing each other’s experiences without covering our ears. We’ll experience frustration, understanding, anger, tedium, annoyance, respect, even brilliance. It will involve stepping on people’s toes and walking on our heels. It may include cussing. It will definitely include apologies. It will force our emotional IQs to rise in double digits.
The process, of course, goes beyond women and to all groups seeking social change. We’ll focus on issues closest to our experience, cultures and hearts, but we must go further. We’ll lack trust at the start. Trust will come as we work together and show we can depend on and care for each other over time.
Elaine Waller-Rose is a psychotherapist and social worker practicing in Seattle’s Central District.