"I am a survivor from the life of prostitution. Everything that we represent here I am a survivor of -- domestic violence, prostitution, drug addiction, criminal justice system, homelessness, rape, all of that."
Joy Friedman, women's program manager at Breaking Free in St. Paul, Minn., makes direct eye contact as she speaks. There is no edge in her voice and no hesitation in her manner. She is an advocate in a house of advocates helping women leave prostitution. When the door is closed to her office -- what was once a bedroom in a converted house -- her presence fills the space between boxes, piles of papers on a cluttered desk and the two guest chairs that leave only a skinny floor space for navigation.
"I came here as a client and was a participant in the program in the beginning in 2001. I came straight out of incarceration into treatment and treatment introduced me to Breaking Free," Friedman says.
Breaking Free is one of only a few dozen organizations in the United States available to assist an estimated 100,000 prostitutes leave "the life." Breaking Free offers those currently caught in prostitution, as well as survivors of prostitution, a lifetime of support through peer counseling, support groups, temporary and permanent housing, case management and access to health care, mental health support, addiction programs and more -- all in one place.
"We educate the girls on what they get caught up in, because a lot of times we, as victims, blame ourselves and society helps us with that, saying, 'You should do something else. You should have never gotten in this. It's your fault. You caused this to happen to you. You chose this.'
"In these groups we actually talk about what led up to it. Little girls don't daydream about being involved in prostitution," says Friedman. "I didn't ask to get raped at 15 by a pimp and have three of his guys torture me and be held captive for 24 hours.
"Yeah, I survived it and got out of it, but the trauma that was done to me is with me the rest of my life. That's a big piece people don't really look at or seem to forget, is that in prostitution it's not just the sex piece. And then you get that soiled feeling of, 'Who's going to want me after that? Am I ever going to be able to get the husband, the white picket fence, the dog, the family? Who's gonna want a prostitute for a wife?'"
By providing a safe place in the heart of an urban center, Breaking Free becomes a haven.
"The dynamics of prostitution is what we talk about in there, such as boundaries, recruitment, self-esteem, do you want this job? We compare the job versus a career, or a real 9-to-5 versus prostitution, escort services or dancing. Is that a job? Then we look at the differences," she says, "like workman's comp protection, 401k plans, taxes. You look at all that.
"That's the thing about prostitution people don't understand: You have low self-esteem and somebody in that lifestyle opens their arms to you, it'll come down to 'I need someone to appreciate who I am.' So, a lot of girls get trapped through dancing. When you go into dancing, you're actually the center of attention. Men come to see you. They give you money, they'll buy you drinks."
A woman knocks and opens Friedman's door and tells her that she is struggling to handle a girl on the phone who is in "desperate measures." An assured Friedman picks up a pencil. At the same time, she picks up the phone and begins to talk.
"Where ya at? ... It's OK, honey. ... Are you OK at the moment? Are you safe? ... You remember me? Where did I see you? ... You don't want to do it anymore. ... Do you have an addiction? ... Last time you used? ... Have you ever been to treatment, honey? ... It's OK-- ... It's not your fault -- someone's using your situation. ... We want to get you someplace safe to stay. ... Have your probation officer call me. ... You don't have to be with those men. ... It's going to be hard because it's going to be change but you can do this. ... You got bigger and better things waiting on you out there. ... It's OK. Where are you right now?"
Friedman hangs up the phone, makes some notes and then looks up.
"The girls are real willing and open to hearing me because I talk our language, so they know I've been there. There are certain things about that lifestyle that, if you've been in it, there's just certain language and certain things you know that you can't just read ... and learn it.
"Right now I have a lady that needs to move into transitional housing. I have two of them actually -- one of them is coming from the criminal justice system, one is coming from treatment. Now both these young ladies have extensive criminal backgrounds and they want to get out. But once again, those barriers of, 'If I get out, what kind of job am I going to be able to have?'
"I'm a role model for both of them right now because they've seen me come up out of the dirt, literally, out of jail with nothing and advance up the ladder as I have, and get that respect, and bring back things that I never thought I'd have and getting positions that we never would have thought women like us could be in.
"No one's exempt from this," Friedman asserts. "The women involved in this didn't cause this. The facts here are a woman's caught up in a very violent situation and as a community we need to come together and embrace her. Otherwise why should she get out of it?"